“Area 407” – More terrifying then surviving a plane crash is what awaits them in the darkness.

This movie sucked. I’m really sorry, probably shouldn’t start a post like that, let you judge for yourselves and all, but this storyline had such potential. Found footage films have been around for awhile now and they’re starting to lose their edge, especially when you think about how you’re an audience member watching something the government is supposedly trying to hide. Nonetheless, if you want a rant about a movie that could’ve been awesome, read on.

The first time I saw the trailer for this I was interested. Survivors of a plane crash somewhere in the world are being attacked by dinosaurs, and they have to band together to not only figure out where they are but also get out alive. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well maybe if J.J. Abrams had taken the reigns this would be worth watching. Starting this last night I knew right out of the gate that I had made a huge mistake. I’m not going to say that driving railroad spikes through various parts of my body would be more favorable, but it’s a close second.

We open on the world’s most annoying 15 year old girl (whose lines and delivery mimic that of a threatened four year old) who is boarding a plane with her sister on New Year’s Eve. She mentions that they are leaving New York and headed back home to Los Angeles after a nice winter break.

Strike 1: This means the plane crashes SOMEWHERE IN THE USA.

The usual FF (found footage) takes over as she starts annoying the crap out of the other passengers, until we finally hit the New Year’s countdown which of course is when the plane decides to swan dive into the ground somewhere. When the camera turns back on again there are only a few survivors, all of which are pretty banged up but alive. The camera starts bouncing between users, which is a minor “strike” if you ask me, because in a situation like this the only reason to keep recording things is for the lawsuit you’re going to slam the airline with later on. So for that reason I’ll let it slide. However this pushes me to strike number 2. After what felt like an eternity of discussing their problems, the survivors finally hear a noise in the woods in front of them. All of the lucky winners turn to look in the direction of the noise, EXCEPT FOR THE CAMERA HOLDER.

Strike 2: When everyone around you is looking towards something, now is not the time to study their faces.

This happens all too often throughout the entire film. I understand the concept of the “Found Footage” way of shooting; it’s basically a cop-out for a director since it’s not like the person holding the camera lit the scene or prepared for scary things to jump out at them. But this girl (still annoying) makes it her personal goal to always point the camera away every time something freaky or exciting is happening, so we rarely get to experience the fear of everyone else. After about 45 minutes of nothing had gone by, the film felt like it might take the interesting turn towards “Oh Sh*t-ville”. We get our first real look at the creature chasing them, and it becomes apparent that the plane has landed in Jurassic Park. John Hammond is not going to be happy. Our band of happy campers made the discovery however, that these creatures are not eating anyone, just killing them. This explains the immense lack of gore seen thus far in an R-rated film about a plane crash and dinosaurs. Oh well, moving on. Nothing got better as the story progressed which I can’t say that I was expecting it to. In fact, I’ll just skip to the end because it’s so stupid. Without actually giving it away since someone on IMDB mentioned that the “twist at the end” was amazing, the movie suddenly took this crazy turn that could only be explained as the writers going, “Oh well, f*ck it.” Seriously, the ending just leaves you sitting there with your jaw dropped for about 30 seconds before you go, “…REALLY?!” Just…utter crap.

DIRECTOR’S CUT: A really cool idea that wasn’t played out well at all and leaves you asking for your time back once the credits roll. This is one roll of footage that should’ve remained lost.

FLICKCHART RATING: 1886/1887 Seriously, I chose “Daredevil” over this one during the ratings.

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